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Understanding Women
Men's Guide to what a woman really means...
You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct
decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for
this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you
to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset,
you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a
shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight
= Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
= I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights
= I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient
= I want a new house
I want new curtains = ... And carpeting,
and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = The other
40 pairs are the wrong shade of
white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean
hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you
were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask
for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did
something today you're really not
going to like
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick
off your shoes and find a good game on
T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate
= Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too
late, you're dead]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's
easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you
get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling
because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is a soap
dish = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the cosmetics department,
the shoe department, I need to
look at purses, and OMIGOD those
pink sheets would look great in the
bedroom and did you bring your
checkbook?
Answers to "What's wrong?"
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that
you're such an asshole
I don't want to talk about it =
Go away, I'm still building up steam
.
